Sophie

Almost regular musings of a (somewhat confused) graphic designer.

28 and not THAT young anymore…

So, I just celebrated my 28th birthday last week. Freaking OLD! Yes. Somehow I do feel older from like just two years ago? I realised this lack of youthful energy when I’m sleeping more and looking forward to relaxing after a day of commuting. Is it really me getting older and increasingly tired, or is it really just a health issue needing to be addressed? 20 mins of dancing could send me panting to the bar stands catching my breath – loss of stamina? I hope not. Since the mid of last year, I’ve been constantly worrying that I’m physically ageing rapidly. Worrying isn’t exactly a good sign either. When you’re a worrier, you just age faster. Although some people were being nice by saying that I’m looking younger everday, I still feel quite doubtful. Two things  could probably be the culprits here; alcohol and depression.

In a boring country like Singapore, (some of you may dispute here, but honestly, if you earn x amount of money, you really can’t do virtually any fun things thinkable to do in Singapore, cuz everything involves a lot of money. Whereas if you earn 100x amount of money, the sky’s the limit) your options are pretty numbered firstly because this is a small country, and considering my meagre pay, the fancy $35 meals are totally out of the question. So what else could you think of that could be worth that $50 weekend? Alcohol. Mmhmm, unless you’re not a lightweight, $20 or less on two pints could be well enough worth it for you to be feeling chirpier. I find that I’m highly strung nearly all the time. I probably have an answer for that – unhappiness. That is mostly due to the shit quality of living that I’m facing, I’m definitely unhappy with the quality of my life and the living conditions of what I supposedly call “home”, to contribute to that dismissing depression of my “home”, the relationship with the boyfriend is probably now at its worst stage. With my compulsive need to go out every weekend and drink (because I really don’t want to stay at home), I find myself more lethargic. Alcohol and Depression works hand in hand like a vicious cycle in which you can never seem to escape once you’re caught in its spokes. You get happy for that few hours, but then when you go back to that dreadful, depressive place you call “home”, it just hits you even harder, like a ton of bricks. Completely sloshed, and feeling even shitty than before but the mood in the house didn’t change. And for that it has been a butterfly effect until I can truly make that decision to throw a wrench in those spokes wheels.

Happy 28th at Kinara with one of my closest friends

Happy 28th at Kinara with one of my closest friends

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4 thoughts on “28 and not THAT young anymore…

  1. And don’t get too depressed about things 🙂 Ever considered living outside of Singapore?

    • Haha! I’ve always wanted to leave this country since like…. forever. Deep inside, I just felt that I’m just not suited for this kind of Singaporean mundane lifestyle. I can’t work endlessly and never had the chance to grow, no outlet to think out of the box or be creative or indulge your five senses into your artwork. I’m sure you must’ve realised the government’s intolerant to independent creative outlets like the urban artist who got arrested for pasting stickers around public property which most Singaporeans actually though was humorous. Although I’m like 100% Singaporean and everyone around me seems to have that robot mentality which doesn’t agree with me. The moment I stepped into Melbourne, it changed my life in a huge way, to a point where I didn’t want to leave Melbourne. I felt that Melbourne has so much to offer, artistically, culturally. and it’s got something that I couldn’t find in my years living in Singapore: soul.

      With regards to the depression, yes I know I had to pull myself out from that state. I’m doing much better now. Thinking less about the things that makes me sad and looking forward more to things that make me happy like Metallica on the 24th of August! 🙂 🙂 🙂 Thanks for the advice.

  2. Happy birthday!

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